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EVERYCHILD'S  SERIES 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 


THE  MACMILLAN  COMPANY 

NEW  YORK    •   BOSTON  •    CHICAGO 
DALLAS  •    SAN   FRANCISCO 

MACMILLAN  &  CO.,  Limited 

LONDON   •   BOMBAY  •    CALCUTTA 
MELBOURNE 

THE  MACMILLAN  CO.  OF  CANADA,  Ltd. 

TORONTO 


EVERYCHILD'S  SERIES 

NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

FOR  THE  YOUNGEST  READERS 

BY 

ELLEN  E.  KENYON-WARNER 


ILLUSTRATIONS  BY 
ELIZA  CURTIS 


Neto  gork 

THE   MACMILLAN   COMPANY 

1912 

All  rights  reserved 


Copyright,  1912, 
By  THE  M  ACM  ILL  AN   COMPANY. 


Set  up  and  electrotyped.     Published  September,  1912. 

EDUCATION'  DEPl. 


Xorfoootj  i^regg 

J.  S.  Cushing  Co.  —  Berwick  &  Smith  Co. 

Norwood,  Mass.,  U.S.A. 


CONTENTS 


Naming  the  Babies 
"What  Can  You  Do?" 

A  Guessing  Game     . 

Old  Mrs.  Shuttle   . 

Splish-Splasii     . 

Addition     . 

The  Old  Gray  Goose 

The  Three  Tadpoles 

The  Grain  of  Wheat 

"  Say  Please "  . 

Sunday  Clothes 

The  Fairy 

Guess,  and  Guess  Agai: 

The  End  of  the  Worli 

Fido's  Drink 

The  Day's  Eye 

The  Telephone 

Animal  Trades 

The  Workers   . 

The  Bee's  Story 

Umbrellas 

A  Little  Man  . 


pa<;e 
1 


O 

7 
11 
H 
10 
20 
23 
31 
35 
42 
46 
51 
r>s 
63 
68 
74 
78 
83 
88 
94 


M69854 


vi  CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Off  for  Dreamland        . 104 

An  Alphabet  Game 112 

The  Hours 117 

A  Christmas  Joke    .        . 125 

The  Echo 130 

Paying  Toll .        .142 

Saving  Dolly's  Life               >  148 

Spelling  Constantinople 153 

The  New  Man 157 

When  the  Toys  came  Alive         .        .        .        .        .  163 


EVERTCHILD'S  SERIES 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 


the  bee's  story.    Page  83 


\  *  »    »   *  *    •  !  < 

•     *  u        *  »         » 


NONSENSE    DIALOGUES 

NAMING  THE  BABIES 

The  animals  stand  in  a  line,  and  the  questioner  goes 
from  one  to  another. 

Baby  dog,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  a  puppy. 
Baby  cat,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  a  kitten. 
Baby  sheep,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  a  lamb. 
Baby  goat,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  a  kid. 
Baby  horse,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  a  colt. 
Baby  cow,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  a  calf. 


2  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Baby  duck,  what  shall  I  call  you  ? 

" :    Call  me  a  duckling. 
Baby  goose,  what  shall  I  call  you  ? 

Call  me  a  gosling. 
Baby  owl,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  an  owlet. 
Baby  eagle,  what  shall  I  call  you? 

Call  me  an  eaglet. 
Baby  child,  what  shall  Tcall  you? 
Just  Baby. 


i    4 


WHAT  CAN  YOU  DO?" 


Child 
Little  bird,  what  can  you  do  ? 

Bird 

I  can  build  a  nest.     Can  you  ? 

Child 
Little  mouse,  what  can  you  do? 

Mouse 

I  can  run  a  race.     Can  you? 

Child 
Little  puss,  what  can  you  do? 

Puss 

I  can  catch  a  mouse.     Can  you  ? 


4  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Child 

Little  frog,  what  can  you  do? 

Frog 

I  can  dive  and  swim.    Can  you  ? 

Child 
Spider,  tell  what  you  can  do. 

Spider 

I  can  spin  a  web.    Can  you? 

—  From  the  Culture  Readers,  by  permission  of 
Charles  E.  Merrill  Company. 


A  GUESSING  GAME 

1.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes  ? 

I  wear  scales. 
Then  you're  a  fish. 

2.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes? 

I  wear  feathers. 
Then  you're  a  bird. 

3.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes? 

I  wear  wool. 
Then  you're  a  lamb. 

4.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes? 

I  wear  short  hair. 
Then  you're  a  horse. 


6  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

5.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes? 

I  wear  long  hair. 
Then  you're  a  goat. 

6.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes? 

I  wear  black  fur. 
Then  you're  my  cat. 

7.  What  do  you  wear  for  clothes? 

I  wear  my  house. 
Then  you're  a  turtle. 


OLD  MRS.   SHUTTLE 

THEME 

Read  by  voice  at  back  of  room 

Old  Mrs.  Shuttle, 

She  lived  in  a  scuttle, 

Along  with  her  dog  and  her  cat. 

What  they  did  I  can't  tell, 

But  it's  known  very  well, 

That  none  of  the  party  was  fat. 

First  Pupil 

Who  was  she? 

Second  Pupil 
Old  Mrs.  Shuttle. 


OLD   MRS.    SHUTTLE 
8 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 
First  Pupil 

Where  did  she  live? 
Second  Pupil 

In  a  scuttle. 

First  Pupil 

Who  lived  with  her? 

Second  Pupil 

Her  dog  and  her  cat. 

First  Pupil 

What  did  they  do? 

Second  Pupil 

I  can't  tell. 

First  Pupil 

Why  can't  you  tell? 

Second  Pupil 

I  didn't  live  there. 


10  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

First  Pupil 

What  do  you  know  about  them? 

Second  Pupil 

That  none  of  the  party  was  fat. 

First  Pupil 

Why  were  they  not  fat? 

Second  Pupil 

I  can't  tell. 

First  Pupil 

Why  can't  you  tell? 
Second  Pupil 

I  didn't  see  them  eat. 

First  Pupil 

Who  can  tell? 

Second  Pupil 
Mrs.  Shuttle. 


SPLISH-SPLASH 

A  PLAY 

Child,  facing  class,  beckons  another  to  join 
him  and  recites  first  couplet  Second  child 
beckons  to  another  child  while  reciting  second 
couplet.     Third  child  beckons  to  a  fourth,  etc. 

First  Child 

If  all  the  seas 
Were  one  great  sea, 
What  a  GREAT  sea  that  would  be! 

Second  Child 

And  if  all  the  trees 
Were  one  great  tree, 

What  a  GREAT  tree  that  would  be! 

11 


12  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Third  Child 

And  if  all  the  axes 
Were  one  great  ax, 
What  a  GREAT  ax  that  would  be ! 

Fourth  Child 

And  if  all  the  men 
Were  one  great  man, 
What  a  GREAT  man  that  would  be ! 

Fifth  Child 

And  if  the  great  man 
Should  take  the  great  ax 
And  chop  down  the  great  tree 
And    let    it    fall    into  the   great 

sea, 
What     a     SPLISH-SPLASH     that 

would  be! 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  13 

Concert 
The  five  speakers,  standing  in  line,  shout "  Splish 
splash!"   three  times,  while  half  the  class 
cries     "  Sh-sh-sh ! "    and    the    other    half 
"S-s-s!" 


ADDITION 

One  and  one  are  two, 
I  and  sister  Prue. 

Two  and  one  are  three, 
As  any  one  can  see. 

Three  and  one  are  four, 

You  cannot  make  them  more. 

Four  and  one  are  five, 
Sure  as  I'm  alive. 

Five  and  one  are  six, 
Little  wooden  bricks. 

Six  and  one  are  seven, 
They  never  make  eleven. 

14 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  15 

Seven  and  one  are  eight, 
We  stand  here  very  straight. 

Eight  and  one  are  nine, 
Behold  us  all  in  line. 

Nine  and  one  are  ten 
Tidy  little  men. 

Ten  and  one  are  eleven, 
And  that  is  more  than  seven. 


THE  OLD  GRAY  GOOSE 

First  Child 

1.   Go  and  tell  Aunt  Abbie, 
Go  and  tell  Aunt  Abbie, 
Go  and  tell  Aunt  Abbie 
Her  old  gray  goose  is  dead, 


18 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  17 

Second  Child 

2.  I  hear  what  you've  been  saying, 
I  hear  what  you've  been  saying, 
I  hear  what  you've  been  saying, 

But  which  gray  goose  is  dead? 

First  Child 

3.  The  one  that  had  a  topknot, 
The  one  that  had  a  topknot, 
The  one  that  had  a  topknot 

Right  on  its  pretty  head. 

Second  Child 

4.  And  if  she  still  should  ask  me, 
And  if  she  still  should  ask  me, 
And  if  she  still  should  ask  me 

Which  old  gray  goose  is  dead? 

First  Child 

5.  The  one  she  has  been  saving, 
The  one  she  has  been  saving, 


18  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

The  one  she  has  been  saving 
To  make  a  feather  bed. 

Second  Child 

6.  Where  shall  I  find  Aunt  Abbie, 
Where  shall  I  find  Aunt  Abbie, 
Where  shall  I  find  Aunt  Abbie, 

To  tell  her  Goosie's  dead  ? 

First  Child 

7.  You'll  find  her  in  the  pantry, 
You'll  find  her  in  the  pantry, 
You'll  find  her  in  the  pantry, 

Cutting  cheese  and  bread. 

Second  Child 

8.  I'll  go  and  tell  Aunt  Abbie, 
I'll  go  and  tell  Aunt  Abbie, 
I'll  go  and  tell  Aunt  Abbie 

Her  old  gray  goose  is  dead. 


19 


THE  THREE  TADPOLES 

Said  Twimmily,  ' '  See  me  wiggle ! " 

Said  Twammily,  "See  me  wag- 
gle!" 

Said  Twirmy,  "See  me  squirm!' 

Said  Twimmily,  ' '  My  tail's  grow- 
ing shorter." 

Said  Twammily,  "My  tail's  grow- 
ing shorter." 

Said  Twirmy,  "My  tail's  growing 
shorter. " 

Said  Twimmily,  "My  legs  are 
growing  longer." 

Said  Twammily,  "My  legs  are 
growing  longer." 


20 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  21 

Said  Twirmy,  ' '  My  legs  are  grow- 
ing longer." 

Said  Twimmily,  'Til  soon  be  a 
frog." 

Said  Twammily,  'Til  soon  be  a 
frog." 

Said  Twirmy,  "I'll  soon  be  a 
frog." 

A  frog  passed  by. 

He  said  to  Twimmily,  ' '  Talk  less 
and  work  more  if  you  want  to  be  a 
frog." 

He  said  to  Twammily,  "Talk  less 
and  work  more  if  you  want  to  be  a 
frog. " 

He  said  to  Twirmy,  "Talk  less 
and  work  more  if  you  want  to  be  a 
frog." 


22  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

He  said  to  Twimmily,  "Keep  on 
wiggling. " 

He  said  to  Twammily,  "Keep  on 
waggling." 

He  said  to  Twirmy,  "Keep  on 
squirming." 

And      a      Twimmily,      Twammily, 

Twirmy, 
And  a  Wimmily,  Wammily,  Wirmy, 
And      a      Squimmily,     Squammily, 
Squirmy, 

And  a  Whippa-pa 
Papa-pa 
Pa! 


THE  GRAIN  OF  WHEAT 

Little  Red  Hen 

Oh,    see   what   I 
have  found  ! 


Chicks  (running) 

What  is  it?    What 
is  it?    What  is  it?    £=a3S 


23 


24  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Little  Red  Hen 

It  is  a  grain  of  wheat. 

Chicks  running 

A  grain  of  wheat !  It  is  a  grain 
of  wheat !  Let  us  see  the  grain  of 
wheat ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

Call  the  cat. 

Chicks 

Cat !  Oh,  Cat !  Come  quickly,  Cat ! 
Little  Red  Hen  wants  you ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

Call  the  rat. 

Chicks 

Rat !  Oh,  Rat!  Come  quickly,  Rat ! 
Little  Red  Hen  wants  you ! 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  25 

Little  Red  Hen 

Call  the  pig ! 

Chicks 

Pig !    Oh,     Pig !    Come    quickly, 
Pig  !    Little  Red  Hen  wants  you  ! 

(The  cat,  the  rat,  and  the  pig  come,  sauntering, 
and  look  at  the  grain  of  wheat.) 

Little  Red  Hen 

Who  will  plant  this  wheat? 

Cat 

I  won't ! 

Rat 

I  won't ! 

Pig 
I  won't ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

I  will,  then  ! 

(She  plants  the  wheat.     Cat,  rat,  and  pig  saunter 
back  to  seats.     The  hen,  clucking,  and  the 


26  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

chicks  crying,  "  Peep  !  peep  !  "  wander  about, 
pretending  to  pick  food  from  the  grass.  They 
return  to  spot  where  wheat  is  planted.) 

Little  Red  Hen 

Oh,  see  how  my  wheat  has 
grown!  CMcks 

Oh,  see  the  wheat !  How  it  has 
grown !         hWe  Red  Hen 

Call  the  cat,  the  rat,  and  the  pig. 

Chicks 

Cat,  come  quick !  Rat,  come 
quick !  Pig,  come  quick !  Little 
Red  Hen  wants  you ! 

(They  come,  sauntering.) 

Little  Red  Hen 

Who  will  take  this  wheat  to  the 
mill? 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  27 

Cat 


Rat 

Pig 


I  won't ! 
I  won't ! 
I  won't ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

I  will,  then ! 

(She  pretends  to  shoulder  a  heavy  bag  of  wheat 
and  walks  off.  Chicks  follow,  peeping.  Cat, 
rat,  and  pig  saunter  to  seats.  Hen  and  chicks 
return  to  spot.  Hen  opens  bag  and  pretends 
to  scatter  some  flour  on  the  grass.) 

Little  Red  Hen 
See  what  fine  flour  the  miller  has 
ground  for  me ! 

Chicks 

See  the  flour !     Oh,    see  the  fine 
flour! 


28  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Little  Red  Hen 

Call  the  cat,  the  rat,  and  the  pig. 

Chicks 

Oh,  Cat,   come  quick !    Oh,   Rat, 
'    come  quick !    Oh,  Pig,  come  quick ! 
Little  Red  Hen  wants  you ! 

(They  come,  sauntering.) 

Little  Red  Hen 

Who    will    make    this   flour   into 
bread  ? 


I  won't ! 
I  won't! 
I  won't ! 

Cat 
Rat 

Pig 

Little  Red  Hen 

I  will,  then ! 

(Kneads  the  flour 

and  pretends  to  put  a  loaf 

under  the  chair 

to  bake.     Animals  saunter 

NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  29 

back  to  seats.  The  hen,  clucking,  and  the 
chicks,  peeping,  wander  about,  pretending  to 
pick  food  from  the  grass.  They  return  to 
where  bread  is  baking.  Hen  pretends  to  take 
it  from  the  oven.) 

Little  Red  Hen 

See  how  well  my  bread  is  baked. 

Chicks 

Oh,    see   the  bread !     What  fine 
bread ! 

(Cat,  rat,  and  pig  come  without  calling.) 
Little  Red  Hen 

Who  will  eat  this  bread  ? 

Cat 

I  will ! 

Rat 

I  will ! 


30  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Pig 
I  will ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

Who  planted  the  wheat  ? 

Animals 

You  did ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

Who  took  the  wheat  to  the  mill  ? 

Animals 

You  did ! 

Little  Red  Hen 

Who  made  the  flour  into  bread  ? 

Animals 

You  did  ! 

x  Little  Red  Hen 

>    Then  I  and  my  chicks  will  eat  the 
bread. 

{Animals  hang  their  heads  and  walk  slowly  to 
seats.  Chicks  and  Little  Red  Hen,  peeping 
and  clucking  loudly,  pretend  to  eat  bread.) 


"SAY  PLEASE" 

Scene.    Big  sister  holding  box  or  basket  out  of 
reach  of  little  boy,  and  smiling  down  at  him. 

Sister 

Say  "Please!" 

Boy 

I    won't    say   please.      Give    me 
some. 

Sister 

Say  "Please!" 

Boy 
Why  should  I  say  please?    Some 
of  the    apples  are  mine.     I  helped 
to  pick  them. 

31 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  33 

Sister 

Say  "Please!" 

Boy 

Stop    teasing   me.      Give    me    as 
many  as  I  picked. 

Sister 

Say  "Please,"  just  to  be  a  little 
gentleman. 

Boy 

I  don't  want  to  be  a  little  gentle- 
man.    I'm  going  to  be  a  man. 

Sister 

Then  say  "Please,"  just  to  please 
me. 

Boy 

But  you  are  not  pleasing  me. 


34  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Sister 

Then  say  "Please"  because  it  is 
right  to  speak  pleasantly. 

Boy 

Please  give  me  my  apples. 

—  From  the  Culture  Readers,  by  permission  of 
Charles  E.  Merrill  Company. 


SUNDAY  CLOTHES 


SUNDAY   CLOTHES 


Those  who  answer  for  the  animals  stand  in 
line,  and  the  little  girl  passes  from  each  one  to 

35 


36  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

the  next  with  her  questions.  After  she  has 
made  believe  go  to  church  she  may  return  and 
make  a  little  speech,  telling  them  that  at  least 
their  clothes  are  their  own,  and  that  they  may 
all  come  to  church  next  Sunday. 

Girl 

Fish,  fish,  what  do  you  wear  for 
Sunday  ?  Fish 

Scales  for  Sunday, 
Scales  for  Monday, 
Scales  for  Tuesday, 
Scales  for  Wednesday, 
Scales  for  Thursday, 
Scales  for  Friday, 
Scales  for  Saturday. 

Girl 

Then  you  can't  go  to  church,  for 
you  wear  your  best  clothes  on  scrub- 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  37 

bing  day.     Bird,  bird,  what  do  you 
wear  for  Sunday? 


Bird 

Feathers  for  Sunday, 
Feathers  for  Monday, 
Feathers  for  Tuesday, 
Feathers  for  Wednesday. 
Feathers  for  Thursday, 
Feathers  for  Friday,  — 

Girl 

That  is  enough !  ,  You  can't  go  to 
church,  because  you  wear  your  best 
clothes  on  sweeping  day.  Sheep, 
sheep,  what  do  you  wear  for  Sun- 
day ? 


38  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Sheep 

Wool  for  Sunday, 
Wool  for  Monday, 
Wool  for  Tuesday, 
Wool  for  Wednesday, 
Wool  for  Thursday,  — 

Girl 

That  is  enough.  You  can't  go 
to  church,  because  you  wear  your 
best  clothes  on  baking  day.  Horse, 
horse,  what  do  you  wear  for  Sun- 
day? 

Horse 

Hair  for  Sunday, 
Hair  for  Monday, 
Hair  for  Tuesday, 

Hair  for  Wednesday,  — 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  39 

Girl 

That  is  enough.  You  can't  go  to 
church,  because  you  wear  your  best 
clothes  on  sewing  day.  Squirrel, 
squirrel,  what  do  you  wear  for  Sun- 

^  *  Squirrel 

Fur  for  Sunday, 
Fur  for  Monday, 
Fur  for  Tuesday,  — 

Girl 

That  is  enough.  You  can't  go  to 
church,  because  you  wear  your  best 
clothes  on  ironing  day.  Frog,  frog, 
what  do  you  wear  for  Sunday? 

Frog 

Skin  for  Sunday, 
Skin  for  Monday,  — 


40  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Girl 

That  is  enough.  You  can't  go  to 
church,  because  you  wear  your  best 
clothes  on  washing  day. 

(Girl  turns  away  with  a  toss  of  the  head  and 
walks  out  of  the  door.  A  voice  from  back  of 
room  reads :) 

Voice 

So  the  little  girl  went  to  church 
all  alone,  and  wore  the  skin  she  had 
on  all  the  week,  and  over  it  clothing 
of  wool  that  the  sheep  had  given 
her  and  of  fur  that  the  squirrel  had 
given  her. 

In  her  hat  she  had  a  feather  from 
the  tail  of  the  bird,  and  in  her  hand 
she  carried  a  purse  made  of  scales 
from  the  fish ;  while  the  pretty  hair 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  41 

that   fell    over   her   shoulders   kept 
dancing  to  a  little  tune  in  her  heart 
that  sang :  — 
Curls  for  Sunday, 
Curls  for  Monday, 
Curls  for  Tuesday, 
Curls  for  Wednesday, 
Curls  for  Thursday, 
Curls  for  Friday, 
Curls  for  Saturday, 
Curls  for  Sunday. 


THE  FAIRY 
A  DIALOGUE 

Susie 

I  am  a  fairy. 

Grandma 
Are  you  ?    I  hope  you  are  a  good 

fair^  Susie 

Oh,  yes  !    There  are  no  bad  fairies. 

Grandma 

Then  I  am  glad  you  have  come 
to  see  me.    What  can  I  do  for  you  ? 

Susie 

Nothing  at  all.     I  must  do  some- 
thing for  you. 


42 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  43 

Grandma 

Very  well,  then,  what  will  you  do 

for  me  ? 

Susie 

I  will  give  you  three  wishes0 

Grandma 

Oh,  how  lucky  I  am !    I  was  just 

wishing  for  some  one  to  thread  my 

needle. 

Susie 

I  will  send  you  a  little  girl.     (Leaves 

room  and  returns.)    I   believe  you    are 

Susie's  Grandma.    A  good  fairy  sent 

me  to  thread  your  needle. 

Grandma 

Oh,  thank  you !  And  thank  the 
good  fairy,  too.  Here  is  the  needle, 
and  here  is  the  thread.    (Pantomime.) 


44  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Susie 
There  is  the  needle,  all  threaded, 
Susie's  Grandma.    Is  there  anything 
else  that  a  little  girl  can  do  for  you  ? 

Grandma 

Not  that  I  think  of  just  at  present. 

Susie 

Then  I  will  send  the  fairy  back  to 

you.     (Goes  out  and  comes  in  again.)     Here 

I  am  again,  Susie's  Grandma.    You 
may  have  two  more  wishes. 
Grandma 

I  wish  I  had  a  daisy  and  a  butter- 
cup. Susie 

You  may  have  them  both  for  one 
wish. 

(Runs  out  and  comes  back  with  real  or  make- 
believe  blossoms.) 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  45 

Grandma 
Thank  you,  thank  you,  kind  fairy ! 
I  had  to  say  "Thank  you  "  twice  be- 
cause there  are  two  flowers.    Now, 
have  I  one  more  wish  ? 

Susie 

One  more.  Only  one,  remember, 
so  wish  for  something  very,  very 
good. 

Grandma 

I  wish  my  little  granddaughter 
would  come  and  kiss  me. 

Susie 
I  will  send  her  to  you. 

{Backs  out  with  a  bow  and  runs  in  with  arms 
flying  in  air.  Rushes  up  to  Grandma,  throibs 
arms  around  neck,  and  kisses  her  again  and 
again.) 


GUESS,  AND  GUESS  AGAIN 

Willie 

Guess  what  I  have  in  my  pocket. 

Ned 

I  can't  guess.   Tell  me,  won't  you  ? 

Willie 

No,  you'll  have  to  guess. 

Ned 
Who  gave  it  to  you? 

Willie 

No  one  gave  it,  to  me. 

Ned 
Where  did  you  buy  it? 


46 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  47 

Willie 

I  didn't  buy  it. 

Ned 

How  did  you  get  it? 

Willie 

I  found  it. 

Ned 

How  did  it  get  into  your  pocket  ? 

Willie 

It  just  grew  there. 

Ned. 
What  color  is  it? 

Willie 

No  color  at  all. 

Ned 
Is  it  a  marble? 


48  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Willie 

No;  marbles  don't  grow. 

Ned 

Who  planted  it? 

Willie 

Nobody. 

Ned 

Is  it  hard  or  soft? 

Willie 

It  isn't  either  hard  or  soft. 

Ned 

You're  teasing  me. 

Willie 
No,  indeed,  I  am  not! 

Ned 
Is  it  good  to  eat? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  49 

Willie 

Not  a  bit  of  it. 

Ned 
What  is  it  good  for? 

Willie. 
It  isn't  good  for  anything 

Ned 
I  don't  believe  you  have  anything. 

Willie 

Yes,  I  have,  too  ! 

Ned 
Will  you  give  me  half,  if  I  guess 
it? 

Willie 

I  can't  get  it  out  of  my  pocket. 

Ned 
I  can't  guess  it. 


50  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Willis 

Do  you  give  it  up  ? 

Ned 

Yes.    What  is  it? 
Willie 

It's  a  hole. 

—  The  Primary  School. 


THE  END  OF  THE  WORLD 

Scene.  Hen  Pen  and  Chicken  Licken  are 
hunting  for  bugs  in  the  grass.  Child  repre- 
senting rose  bush,  stands  holding  a  very  small 
bunch  of  paper  in  each  extended  hand. 
Chicken  Licken  wanders  under  a  limb  of 
the  rose  bush  and  a  bunch  of  paper  falls 
on  her  head. 

Chicken  Licken 
(Running  to  Hen  Pen).     Oh,   Hen  Pen  ! 

The  world's  come  to  an  end  ! 

Hen  Pen 

How     do     you     know,     Chicken 
Licken  ? 

51 


52  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Chicken  Lichen 
I  saw  it  with  my  eyes,  I  heard  it 
with  my  ears,  and  a  piece  of  it  fell 
on  my  head. 

(Duck  Luck  appears  on  the  scene,  waddling.) 
Duck  Luck 

Quack-quack-quack ! 

Hen  Pen 

Oh,  Duck  Luck  !    The  world's  come 
to  an  end ! 

Duck  Luck 

How  do  you  know,  Hen  Pen? 

Hen  Pen 

Chicken  Licken  told  me. 

Duck  Luck 

How     do  ■    you     know,     Chicken 
Licken  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  53 

Chicken  Licken 

I  saw  it  with  my  eyes,  I  heard  it 
with  my  ears,  and  a  piece  of  it  fell 
on  my  head. 

(Goose  Loose  approaches,  stretching  out  neck.) 
Goose  Loose 

S-s-s ! 

Duck  Luck 

Oh,  Goose  Loose !  The  world's 
come  to  an  end ! 

Goose  Loose 
How  do  you  know,  Duck  Luck  ? 

Duck  Luck 

Hen  Pen  told  me. 

Goose  Loose 
How  do  you  know,  Hen  Pen? 


54  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Hen  Pen 

Chicken  Licken  told  me. 

Goose  Loose 

How  do  you  know,  Chicken 
Licken  ? 

Chicken  Licken 

I  saw  it  with  my  eyes,  I  heard  it 
with  my  ears,  and  a  piece  of  it  fell 
on  my  head  ! 

(Gander    Lander    approaches,    stretching    out 

neck.) 

Gander  Lander 

S-s-s ! 

Goose  Loose 
Oh,   Gander  Lander !  the  world's 
come  to  an  end  ! 

Gander  Lander 

How  do  you  know,  Goose  Loose? 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  55 

Goose  Loose 
Duck  Luck  told  me. 

Gander  Lander 

How  do  you  know,  Duck  Luck? 

Duck  Luck 

Hen  Pen  told  me. 

Gander  Lander 

How  do  you  know,  Hen  Pen  ? 

Hen  Pen 
Chicken  Licken  told  me. 

Gander  Lander 

How  do  you  know,  Chicken 
Licken  ? 

»  Chicken  Licken 

I  saw  it  with  my  eyes,  I  heard  it 
with  my  ears,  and  a  piece  of  it  fell 
on  my  head. 


56  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

(Turkey  Lurkey  approaches.) 
Turkey  Lurkey 

Gobble-gobble-gobble  ! 

Gander  Lander 
Oh,  Turkey  Lurkey  !    The  world's 
come  to  an  end ! 

Turkey  Lurkey 

How     do      you     know,     Gander 
Lander  ? 

Gander  Lander 

Goose  Loose  told  me.     . 

Turkey  Lurkey 

How  do  you  know,  Goose  Loose  ? 

Goose  Loose 

Duck  Luck  told  me. 

Turkey  Lurkey 

How  do  you  know,  Duck  Luck  ? 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  57 

Duck  Luck 

Hen  Pen  told  me. 

Turkey  Lurkey 

How  do  you  know,  Hen  Pen  ? 
Hen  Pen 

Chicken  Licken  told  me. 

Turkey  Lurkey 

How  do  you  know,  Chicken 
Licken  ? 

Chicken  Licken 

I  saw  it  with  my  eyes,  I  heard  it 
with  my  ears,  and  a  piece  of  it  fell 
on  my  head. 

(Fox  Lox  approaches,  stealing  silently  and 
crouching  as  if  to  spring  upon  his  prey. 
All  fly  in  gredt  disorder,  crying  respectively  : 
Peep-peep  !  Cluck-cluck !  Quack-quack ! 
S-s-s!  and  Gobble-gobble!) 


FIDO'S  DRINK 

(PANTOMIME) 

SCENE.  Mother  is  sewing;  the  cook  is  rolling 
pie  crust;  baby  is  playing  with  blocks  on  the 
floor. 

Fido  runs  up  to  the  cook  and  cries  shrilly, 
"  Yap  I  yap  !  "     Cook  pays  no  attention. 

Fido  runs  to  mother,  whines,  and  takes  a  bit 
of  her  sleeve  between  his  teeth,  pulling  it. 
Mother  brushes  him  away. 

Fido  jumps  about  baby,  barking,  whining,  and 
pretending  to  lick  his  face.  Baby  takes  up  a 
block  as  if  to  strike  him  with  it,  then  throws  it 
down,  and  caresses  him.  The  two  roll  over  on 
the  floor  together  in  play. 

A  sound  is  heard,  and  Fido  jumps  up,  looks  and 

68 


59 


60  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

listens.  "  Click ! "  goes  the  sound  again,  and 
Fido  dances  off  to  meet  a  little  girl  who  ap- 
proaches. He  dances  about  her  on  all  fours, 
yapping  and  barking,  then  takes  a  bit  of  her 
skirt  between  his  teeth  and  takes  her  over  to 
the  corner  where  the  cook  is  still  at  work. 
Little  girl  suddenly  shows  by  her  manner  that 
she  understands  him,  and  places  a  pan  of 
water  on  the  floor.    Fido  takes  a  drink. 

THE  READING  LESSON 

Fido 

Please    Cook,    give   me    a   drink! 
I'm  very  thirsty. 

Cook 
Hm-m-m  !  (Hums  a  tune.) 

Fido 

Please,  Mistress,  give  me  a  drink  ! 
It's  a  warm  day,  and  I'm  so  thirsty ! 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  61 

Mistress 

Run  away,  Fido,  and  don't  tear 
my  dress.    I  don't  understand  dog- 

talk-  Fido 

Please,  Baby,  give  me  a  drink !  I 
am  so  thirsty ! 

Baby 
Don't  knock  my  blocks  over,  Fido. 
If  you  do,  Til  hit  you.    No,  I  won't. 
We'll  have  a  good  play. 

Fido 

Oh,  I'm  so  glad  you've  come,  little 
Mistress !  Please  give  me  a  drink. 
I'm  very  thirsty,  and  no  one  under- 
stands me. 

Little  Girl 

Why,  Fido  !  What  can  you  want  ? 
What  are  you  pulling  my  dress  for  ? 


62 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 


Where  are  you  taking  me  ?  Oh,  1 
see !  You  want  a  drink.  Poor, 
thirsty  little  doggie !  You  shall 
have  all  the  water  you  want. 

—  Adapted  from  the  Culture  Readers,  by  permis- 
sion of  Charles  E.  Merrill  Company. 


THE  DAY'S  EYE 

(A  DIALOGUE) 
Daisy 

How  did  you  come  to  name  me 
after  a  flower,  Mama  ? 

Mama 

Because,  dear,  we  were  very  glad 
you  came  to  us.  It  seemed  like  the 
beginning  of  a  new  day.  Do  you 
know  what  daisy  means? 

Daisy 

No,  Mama. 

Mama 

I  wonder  if  you  could  guess  if  I 
told  you  something  about  it. 

63 


64  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Daisy 

Let  me  try,  Mama. 

Mama 

Well,  long  ago,  when  the  earth 
was  young,  as  the  fairy  stories  say, 
the  daisies  bloomed  in  the  field  just 
as  they  do  now. 

Daisy 

Is  this  going  to  be  a  fairy  story, 
Mama  ? 

Mama 

No.  It  is  a  truly  true  story. 
There  were  the  daisy  fields,  then  as 
now,  and  just  as  pretty. 

Daisy 

I  can  see  the  pretty  blossoms,  bob- 
bing about  in  the  wind  and  sun. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  65 

Mama 

Yes,  dear,  that  is  what  they  did, 
and  the  people  loved  them,  but  as 
yet  they  had  not  been  named. 

Daisy 

Then  I  suppose  the  people  just 
called  them  flowers. 

Mama 

I  suppose  so.  But  they  began  to 
feel  the  need  of  a  particular  name 
for  the  bright  little  flower  with  its 
yellow  heart  and  white  frill. 

Daisy 

I  should  think  so !  When  they  said 
just  "flowers/'  nobody  would  know 
which  flower  they  meant. 


66  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Mama 

Exactly  so.  Every  kind  of  thing 
has  to  have  a  name  to  itself  if  we 
are  to  talk  about  it  easily.  Well, 
you  know,  people  were  early  risers 
in  those  days. 

Daisy 

Was  that  the  time  when  nearly 
every  one  lived  in  the  country  ? 

Mama 

Yes.  And  when  the  people  went 
into  the  fields  early  in  the  morn- 
ing, the  daisies  looked  like  a  lot  of 
bright  eyes  that  had  just  opened 
after  being  closed  in  sleep  all 
night. 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  67 

Daisy 

I  can  see  them  all  winking,  just  so. 

(Shuts  eyes  very  tightly  and  opens  them  very 
wide  several  times.) 

Mama 

Well,  if  the  day  had  just  awak- 
ened, what  might  you  call  the  daisy  ? 

Daisy 
(Jumping  about  and  clapping  her  hands.) 

Oh,  I  know,  Mama !  The  day's 
eye. 

Mama 

That  is  what  they  named  the  dear 
little  flower.  And  that  is  what  we 
named  you,  dear. 


THE  TELEPHONE 

Two  paper  tubes  hanging  in  opposite  corners 
of  the  room.  Little  girl  holds  one  to  ear  and 
talks  into  imaginary  mouthpiece. 

Jill 

Hello,  Central ! 

Central 
(A  mysterious  voice  from  the  back  of  the  room. 
Child  playing  Central  muffles  her  voice  with 
her  hand.) 

Hello ! 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  69 

Jill 

Give  me  1,  2,  3,  Tumble  Down,  D. 

Central 
(Muffles  voice  and  runs  her  words  together.) 

One  -  two  -  three  -  tumble  -  down  -  de. 

Click !     (Bell  rings) 

Jack 
(Runs  to  place  and  seizes  tube.) 

Hello ! 

Jill 

Hello  !    Is  that  Jack  ? 

Jack 
Yes.    Who  are  you? 

Jill 
I'm  Jill.     What  are  you  doing  ? 


70  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Jack 

Reading  my  new  birthday  book. 
It's  jolly !  —  all  about  Dick  Dead- 
eye  and  the  Whale  Hunters. 

Jill 

Whale  hunters?  I  thought  the 
whale  was  a  fish. 

Jack 

He  isn't,  though !  What  do  you 
want  me  for  ?    I'm  in  a  hurry. 

Jill 

Won't  your  book  wait  until  to- 
morrow  ? 

Jack 

That  whale's  a  swimmer ! 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  71 

Jill 

Well,  Dick  Deadeye  will  find  you 
another  one  if  he  gets  away.  I  want 
you  to  come  over  here. 

Jack 

What  for  ? 

Jill 

That's  telling. 

Jack 
Oh,  come,  now ! 

Jill 
Do  you  want  to  know  very  much  ? 

Jack 

Fd  give  a  cooky  to  know. 

Jill 
I  want  to  wish  you  a  happy  birth- 
day. 


72  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Jack 

Thanks,   awfully  !    But  can't  you 
say  it  over  the  phone  ? 

Jill 
Not  as  it  should  be  said. 

Jack 

I  know  what  you  want  to  do. 

Jill 
What? 

Jack 

Give  me  nine  good  slaps. 

Jill 
You  won't  grow  if  you  don't  get 

them'  Jack 

Ha-ha-ha !    The  murder's  out. 

Jill 
Aren't  you  coming  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  73 

Jack 

I  hear  Dick  Deadeye  whistling  for 

me. 

Jill 

Well,     happy    birthday    anyway! 
And  —  listen  I— ml  ml  ml  ml  ml 

ml      ml      ml     ml     (Jerks  out  the  excla- 
mations shortly.)    Did  you  get  them  ? 

Jack 

Yes,  and  I'm  growing  so  fast  I'll 
have  a  moustache  by  night. 

Jill 
All  right !    Good-by ! 

Jack 

Last  tag  !  and  good-by ! 

(Children  dispose  of  tubes,  and  take  seats.) 


ANIMAL  TRADES 

George 

Let's  play  some  sort  of  a  guess- 
ing game.    What  shall  it  be? 

Annie 

We  might  each  be  some  kind  of 
an  animal,  and  tell  what  we  do  for 
a  living. 

Jack 

That's  a  good  idea.  I'm  a  mason 
and  carpenter.  I  build  a  wall  and 
plaster  it  with  mud.  I  cut  down 
trees  and  build  my  house  mostly  of 
wood. 

74 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  75 

Ida 

Oh,  I  know!    You're  a  beaver. 

Jack 

That's  right.  Now  it's  your  turn 
to  be  something. 

Ida 

I  sew  my  house  together. 

George 

Oh,  what  a  house!  But  I  know 
what  you  make  it  of.  You  take  a 
leaf  or  two.    You're  a  tailor  bird. 

Ida 
(With  a  proud  toss  of  the  head.) 

I  call  myself  an  oriole.  But  it's 
your  turn,  George. 


76  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

George 
Oh,  I  know  what  I'll  do  for  a 
living  !  It's  just  as  good  as  keeping 
a  candy  store.  I'll  make  something 
sweet,  sweet,  sweet.  I'll  go  from 
flower  to  flower,  and  gather  —  I 
won't  say  what,  because  that  would 
be  telling. 

Annie 

I  know!    You're  a  bee. 

George 

Here  me  buzz  !    Z-z-z-z-z ! 

Annie 

Then  I  guessed  right,  and  it's  my 
turn.  Let  me  see !  What  shall  I 
be?  I'm  very  tiny.  I  can  carry  a 
load  bigger  than  myself.  I  think  I 
shall  call  myself  a  miner,  because  I 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  77 

go  down  into  the  earth.  But  I 
don't  go  for  coal  or  iron.  I  make 
my  home  there. 

George 

A  mole  ? 

Annie 

No,  very  much  smaller  than  that. 

Ida 

A  worm? 

Annie 

No,  smaller  than  that. 

Frank 

I  know  !    An  ant. 

Annie 

The  game's  up,  for  Frank  has 
guessed  right,  and  we  have  all  had 
a  turn. 

—  The  Primary  School. 


THE  WORKERS 

Scene.  Madam  Weather  sits  in  the  teacher's 
high  chair,  or  is  otherwise  raised  to  view. 
Two  children  flit  irregularly  about,  moving 
their  arms  like  wings.  One  leaps  about  like  a 
frog  or  grasshopper.  Three  walk  soberly  from 
place  to  place,  pretending  to  work. 

Madam  Weather 

Tis  summer.     Who  likes  to  play  ? 

Butterfly 
(Pausing  in  her  flight  and  moving  her  wings 
slowly,  as  if  at  rest  on  a  leaf.) 

I  like  to  play.  I  am  a  butterfly. 
I  like  to  fan  the  warm,  soft  air 
with  my  velvet   wings.     I    like   to 

78 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  79 

sip  the  sweet  honey  from  the  hearts 
of  all  the  flowers. 

Fly 

I  like  to  play.  I  am  a  little  fly. 
I  like  to  flit  hither  and  thither  in 
the  sunny  air.  I  do  nothing  but 
buzz  and  eat. 

Grasshopper 

I  like  to  play.  I  am  a  grasshop- 
per. I  like  to  leap  over  the  insects 
that  crawl,  and  look  down  upon 
them  as  I  pass.  I  am  proud  of  my 
strong  legs,  and  like  to  exercise 
them.  I  do  nothing  but  skip  about 
and  eat.  I  can  eat  nearly  every- 
thing that  grows. 

(Asbutterfly,  fly,  and  grasshopper  finish  speak- 
ing they  resume  their  antics.) 


80  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Madam  Weather 

Tis  summer.    Who  likes  to  work? 

Bee 

I  like  to  work.  I  am  a  bee.  I 
like  to  gather  honey  from  the  clover 
blossoms.  I  like  to  work  in  the 
buckwheat.  1  carry  home  most  of 
the   honey   for   my    winter   food. 

{Resumes  work.) 
Ant 

I  like  to  work.  I  am  a  little  ant. 
I  have  made  me  a  home  in  the 
earth.  Don't  step  on  it,  please!  I 
am  putting  away  my  winter  food 
there  now.  I  work  hard  all  day 
long. 

{Resumes  work.) 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  81 

Beaver 

I  like  to  work.  I  am  a  beaver. 
I  can  cut  down  a  tree.  I  can  build 
a  dam  across  the  stream.  That 
makes  a  pond.  In  the  pond  I  build 
my  house.    Then   I  put  away  my 

winter  food  in  it. 

(Resumes  work.) 

Madam  Weather 

Tis  winter.    Who  wants  to  rest  ? 

Fly,  Butterfly,  and  Grasshopper 
(Group  themselves  before  Madam  Weather,  lean- 
ing on  one  another,  as    if   weary.    Speak 
slowly  and  sleepily.) 

We  want  to  rest.  We  have  never 
done  any  work— yet  we  feel  very 
tired.  Perhaps  we  played  too  hard. 
We  might  as  well  have  been  work- 


82  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

ing,  maybe ;  but  we  never  thought 
of  winter.  We  should  like  to  creep 
into  some  nice,  warm  place  and 
have  nothing  to  do  but  eat.  But 
we  have  no  homes  and  no  winter 
food. 

(Sink  slowly  to  floor  and  lie  doubled    up    in 
various  attitudes  as  if  asleep.) 

Bee,  Ant,  and  Beaver 
(Stand  together  erect  and  speak  in  firm,  clear 
tones.) 

We  shall  be  glad  to  rest.  We 
have  our  homes  and  our  winter 
food.  Our  work  is  done  for  the 
year. 

(Join  hands,  bow  to  Madam  Weather,  separate, 

and  walk  to  seats.) 
—  Adapted  from  the  Culture  Readers,  by  permis- 
sion of  Charles  E.  Merrill  Company. 


THE  BEE'S  STORY 

Little  Girl 

Busy  bee,  busy  bee,  where  is  your 
home  ?  Bee 

In  truth,  little  maiden,  I  live  in  a 
comb.  Girl 

That  is  a  funny  place  to  live  in. 
Tell  me  all  about  it. 

Bee 

Do  you  mean  all  about  myself? 
If  so,  I'll  begin  at  the  beginning. 

Girl 

Yes,   tell  me  all  about  yourself, 
please. 

83 


84  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Bee 

Well,  in  the  beginning  I  was  an 
egg,  like  the  little  bird.  Only,  I  was 
a  very  tiny  egg. 

Girl 

Yes,  I  suppose  so. 

Bee 

When  I  came  out  of  the  shell,  I 
was  a  very  helpless  little  grub.  The 
bees  fed  me  with  pollen. 

Girl 

What  is  pollen  ? 

Bee 

We  get  pollen  from  the  flowers. 
It  is  a  kind  of  dust.  See  — I  have 
some  on  my  back  and  legs  now. 

Girl 

Oh,  yes,  —that  yellow  stuff.    I  see. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  85 

Bee 

They  fed  me  with  pollen  for  five 
days.  Then  I  fell  asleep  and  the 
bees  covered  me  with  wax. 

Girl 

What  a  funny  blanket ! 

Bee 

When  I  awoke,  I  was  a  little  bee. 
I  was  very  tiny.  The  bees  had  to 
take  care  of  me.  I  was  one  of  their 
babies.  They  had  a  great  many 
babies. 

Girl 

You  must  have  kept  them  busy ! 

Bee 

They  fed  us  every  day  with  bee- 
bread.     We  make  the  bee-bread  of 


86  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

pollen.  It  is  brown  and  bitter.  You 
would  not  like  it,  but  we  did.  They 
filled  the  hive  with  honey,  so  that 
we  would  always  have  something  to 
eat. 

Girl 

Ah,  that  sounds  better ! 

Bee 

Some  day  I  will  tell  you  what 
happened  when  I  grew  up.  I  cannot 
stop  now.  I  have  my  day's  work  to 
finish. 

Girl 

Why  must  you  work  so  hard? 

Bee 

There  are  baby  bees  at  home  to 
be  fed,  and  we  are  laying  up  stores 
of  honey  for  the  winter.      I  must 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  87 

gather  all  the  pollen  and  honey  I 
can  before  night.  We  bees  are  very 
busy  people.  Didn't  you  ever  hear 
the  saying,  "Busy  as  a  bee"?  So 
good-by,  little  girl!    Z-z-z-z-z  ! 


UMBRELLAS 

Scene.  Mother  sewing  in  corner  of  room. 
Two  little  girls  as  small  and  as  nearly  alike 
as  possible  playing  Peas  Porridge  Hot.  In 
rushes  big  brother. 

Major 

It's  raining  cats  and  dogs  and 
pitchforks !  Where's  there  an  um- 
brella ? 

(Little  girls  run  to  window.) 

Mother 

My  son,  if  it  is  raining  pitchforks, 
you  will  be  safer  in  the  house.  I 
would  not  trust  to  an  umbrella. 

88 


89 


90  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Major 

Oh,  well !  they're  coming  handles 
down  — and  I  can  dodge  them. 

(Dodges,  as  if  to  escape  a  descending  pitchfork.) 

Mother 
(Nodding  toward  children.) 

You  see  they  believe  you.    They're 
looking  for  the  cats  and  dogs. 

Major 
(Runs  to  children,  puts  an  arm  around  each, 
and  draws  them  away  to  a  low  seat,  where 
he  sits  down  and  takes  them  on  his  knees. 
If  Major  is  too  near  the  size  of  the  little 
sisters,  they  can  kneel  on  the  floor  and  rest 
their  elbows  on  his  knees.) 

There,  you  dear  little  geese  !    Now 
keep  still  while  I  tell  you  what  I  saw 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  91 

to-day.     Every  living  creature  but 
myself  had  an  umbrella. 

Lily 
Not  the  birds? 

Major 

Cock  Robin  sat  under  an  oak  leaf. 

Rose 

Not  the  cows? 

Major 

Madam  Brindle  stood  under  a  tree. 

Both  Sisters 

Not  the  bees ! 

Major 

Sir  Bumble  crept  into  a  flower. 

Rose 
Not  the  wood  mice ! 


92  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Major 

The  wood  mouse  ran  under  a  toad- 
stool. 

Lily 

Not  the  frogs ! 

Major 

They  all  jumped  into  the  pond  and 
swam  out  under  the  lily  pads. 

Both  Sisters 
(Laughing.) 

But  they  got  wet,  just  the  same. 

Major 

They  blinked  out  at  the  rain  from 
under  their  shelter  as  if  they  felt 
very  comfortable. 

Rose 

Not  the  ducks  ! 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  93 

Major 

Ah,  there  you  have  me.  The 
ducks  waddled  out  into  the  rain 
just  as  if  they  had  never  heard  of 
umbrellas.  And  the  dear  little  geese 
stayed  at  home  and  heard  about  it 
all. 

(Kisses  them  both,  rises,  takes  an  umbrella,  and 
passes  out  of  the  door,  kissing  his  hand  to  the 
children,  who  clap  their  hands  and  laugh.) 

—  From  the  Culture  Readers,  by  permission  of 

Charles  E.  Merrill  Company. 


A  LITTLE  MAN 

Louis 
(Books  under  arm.) 

Oh  dear !  I  wish  I  didn't  have  to 
go  to  school.  Everything  plays  but 
little  boys.  Here's  a  swallow. 
(Whistles.)  Swallow,  swallow,  come 
here  and  play  with  me. 

Swallow 
(A  little  girl  who  has  been  flitting  from  corner 
to  corner  of  the  room,  waving  her  arms  like 
wings.) 

Indeed,  little  boy,  I  have  not  one 
moment  to  play  with  you.  I  have 
so  much  work  to  do. 

94 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  95 

Boy 

Work !  A  swallow  work  ?  You're 
joking. 

Swallow 

No,  indeed!  I  am  at  work  this 
very  minute,  looking  for  mud  and 
sticks  and  straws  and  feathers  to 
build  my  nest  with.  Then  there  will 
be  the  family  to  take   care  of  all 

summer. 

Boy 

Well,    well!     Who     would    have 

thought  of  a  happy  little  bird  like 

you  working ;  but  what  you  say  is 

true.    You  do  have  to  build  your 

nests    and    feed    your    little    ones, 

or   else   there  would   be   no   more 

swallows. 


96  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Swallow 

Good-by,  little  boy! 

(Flies  to  seat.) 
Boy 

Good-by,  swallow  !  Ah,  here's  a 
caterpillar.  Guess  I'll  poke  him  up 
a  little  and  see  what  he'll  do.  Will 
you  play  with  me,  caterpillar? 

Caterpillar 
(A  boy  has  approached  quietly  on  all  fours  and 
pretends  to  be  eating  the  seat  of  a  chair  as  if 
it  were  a  leaf.    Raises  head  and  looks  at  Boy 
when  gently  poked  with  pencil.) 

Please  don't  hinder  me  in  my  work. 

Boy 
(Starts  back  in  astonishment.) 

Oh,  Mama!  It  can  talk!  Work, 
did  you  say?  Why,  you  do  nothing 
but  eat. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 


97 


Caterpillar 

That  is  a  caterpillar's  work.  I've 
got  to  eat  many  times  my  weight 
before  the  summer  is  over. 


98  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Boy 

And  that's  where  all  the  pretty 
leaves  go!  Well,  I'm  glad  Mr. 
Swallow  works  too!  Can't  you  do 
with  less  food? 

Caterpillar 

I  could,  but  I  should  not  grow  to 
very  full  size,  and  I  should  not 
have  enough  of  the  right  kind  of 
stuff  in  me  to  make  my  hammock 
bed  and  blankets  for  winter. 

Boy 

Oh,  I  know  what  you  mean.  You 
mean  that  bag  you  hang  yourself 
up  in  while  you  are  turning  into  a 
butterfly. 

Caterpillar 
(Proudly.) 

I  mean  my  chrysalis,  little  boy. 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  99 

Boy 

Yes,  I  know  it  has  a  fine  name, 
and  we  boys  have  to  spell  it.  I'd 
rather  you'd   call   it  a  b-a-g,   bag. 

Caterpillar 

You  boys  are  too  lazy  for  any 
use. 

Poodle 

Yap,  yap,  yap! 

Boy 

Ah,  here's  Joe  Wilson's  dog  Dan- 
ger.   He'll  play  with  me. 

{Puts  out  hand  to  pet  poodle,  who  dances  away 

from  him.) 

Poodle 

No,  indeed !  I've  no  time  to  play. 
I've  just  saved  the  house,  and  I 
must  run  back  and  take  care  of  it. 


100  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

But  I'll  let  you  pass,  since  I  know 
who  you  are. 

Boij 
Of  course  you  will.     But  how  did 
you  save  the  house? 

Poodle 

A  bad  man  came  into  the  garden, 
and  I  ran  in  and  told  Mrs.  Wilson. 
He  was  coming  right  for  the  house 
when  she  went  to  the  door.  In 
another  minute  he  would  have  been 
inside. 

Boy 

And  what  kept  him  out? 

Poodle 

Mrs.  Wilson  called  "Danger, 
Danger ! "    She  had  shut  me  in  the 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES,  X01 

kitchen   so    that   I   couldn't  get  at 
the  man,  but  that  was  all  the  better. 

Boy 
(Laughing,) 

I  should  think  so!  But  how  did 
you  save  the  house  ? 

Poodle 

Why,  when  the  man  heard  the 
name  Mrs.  Wilson  called  me,  he 
thought  there  must  be  a  big  bull 
dog  about,  and  he  went  away  as 
quickly  as  he  could. 

Boy 

Then  it  was  your  name,  not  you, 
that  saved  the  house. 

Poodle 

But  I  told  her,  didn't  I?  And 
all  night  long  I  sleep  with  one  ear 


102  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

open,  listening  for  noises  that  I 
don't  like.  If  a  stranger  should 
come,  I'd  have  the  family  awake 
very  quickly. 

Boy 

Yes,  I  know.  You're  a  useful 
little  dog.  But  we  boys  have  to 
learn  to  read  and  write. 

Poodle 

Yes,  and  you  boys  will  be  men. 
Think  of  that ! 

Boy 

That's  true.  It's  a  great  thing  to 
be  a  man.  I  shall  live  several 
times  as  long  as  the  longest-lived 
dog,  and  shall  learn  to  do  a  great 
many  wonderful  things. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  103 

Poodle 

Yes,  indeed!  And  if  you're  going 
to  do  the  very  best  that  a  man  can 
do  in  your  long  life,  you  haven't 
much  time  to  waste  in  coaxing  other 
people  away  from  their  work. 

Boy 

(Tossing  up  his  cap.) 

Hurrah!  I  never  thought  of  it 
before,  but  what  a  great  thing  it  is 
to  be  a  boy!  That  means  that  I'm 
going  to  be  a  man  some  day.  I 
must  get  to  work!  Good-by, 
Danger ! 

Poodle 

Yap,  yap! 


OFF  FOR  DREAMLAND 

MY  BED  IS  A  BOAT 

Read  by  voice  at  back  of  room.  The  verses 
below  should  be  committed  to  memory.  Class 
should  be  encouraged  to  dramatize  other  favorite 
poems. 

My  bed  is  like  a  little  boat ; 

Nurse  helps  me  in  when  I  embark ; 
She  girds  me  in  my  sailor's  coat 

And  starts  me  in  the  dark. 
At  night  I  go  on  board  and  say 

"  Good-night "  to  all  my  friends  on  shore ; 
I  shut  my  eyes  and  sail  away 

\nd  see  and  hear  no  more. 

104 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  105 

All  night  across  the  dark  we  steer ; 

But  when  the  day  returns  at  last, 
Safe  in  my  room,  beside  the  pier, 

I  find  my  vessel  fast. 

R.  L.  Stevenson. 

Nurse 

Come,  Willy-boy  !    It's  time  to  go 

tobed-  Willy 

But  I'm  not  going  to  bed,  Nursey. 

Nurse 

Not  going  to  bed?     Where   are 
you  going?    To  Miss  Lilly  White's 

party  ?     {Pretends  to  undress  the  child.) 

Willy 

Not  to-night. 

Nurse 
Where    then?    To    the    Land   of 
Counterpane  ? 


106  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Willy 

Not  to-night. 

Nurse 

May  I  go  with  you  where  you  are 
going  ? 

Willy 

No,  Nursey.  No  one  can  go  with 
me.  But  perhaps  you  will  come  to 
see  me  there. 

Nurse 

That  will  be  nice.  And  where  is 
it  to  be  ? 

Willy 

I  am  going  out  in  my  sailboat, 
all  alone. 

Nurse 

Not  in  your  nightgown,  I  hope ! 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  107 

Willy 

No,  Nursey.  In  my  mackintosh. 
You  don't  call  things  by  their  right 
names. 

Nurse  • 

And  is  this  your  mackintosh  that 
I  am  putting  over  your  head  ? 

Willy 

Yes,  Nursey.  But  it  is  black  and 
stiff  and  shiny.  You  think  it  is 
white  and  soft.  You  don't  see 
things  in  their  right  colors. 

Nurse 

And  is  this  your  sailboat  ? 

Willy 
Yes,  Nursey.    But  you  think  you 
are  lifting  me  into  it.    You  are  not. 


108  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

You  are  pulling  the  boat  up  to  the 
shore,  and  I  am  getting  in  myself. 

Nurse 

And  how  far  will  you  sail? 

Willy 
Oh,  far,  far  away  !    Farther  than 
you  ever  went  in  a  railroad  car. 

Nur'se 

And  what  will  you  see  ? 

Willy 

Oh,  all  sorts  of  things.     Tops  that 

talk  and  kites  that  take  little  boys 

riding,  and  giants  that  I  shall  kill, 

and  fairies  that  will  light  the  way  for 

me-  Nurse 

And  shall  you  say  "  Good-by  ! "  be- 
fore you  go  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  109 

Willy 

Not  "Good-by,"  because  I  may 
meet  you  there.  Besides  I  am  com- 
ing back  in  the  morning. 

Nurse 

Then  you  will  surely  say  "Good- 
night ! " 

Willy 

Yes,  Nursey.  Kiss  me  good-night 
and  sing  me  a  song  of  the  sea. 

Nurse 
(Singing.) 

Sweet  and  low, 

Sweet  and  low, 
Wind  of  the  western  sea ! 

Low,  low, 

Breathe  and  blow, 
Wind  of  the  western  sea  ! 


110  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Over  the  rolling  waters  go, 
Come   from  the  dying   moon,  and 
blow, 
Blow  him  again  to  me; 
While  my  little  one, 
While  my  pretty  one,  sleeps. 

(Sleepily.)  WillV 

I  hear  you,  Nurse.  My  boat  is 
sailing  far  from  land.  I  am  rocking 
on  the  waves  of  the  deep,  deep  sea. 
Your  voice  sounds  far  away,  but  I 
can  hear  it  still.  Keep  on  singing 
till  I  am  out  of  sight. 

(Singing.)  Nurse 

Sleep  and  rest, 

Sleep  and  rest, 

Father  will  come  to  thee  soon; 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  111 

Rest,  rest, 
On  mother's  breast, 
Father  will  come  to  thee  soon; 
Father  will  come  to  his  babe  in  the 

nest, 
Silver  sails  all  out  of  the  west 
Under  the  silver  moon: 
Sleep,  my  little  one, 
Sleep,  my  pretty  one,  sleep ! 


AN  ALPHABET   GAME 

A  leader  may  call  the  letters  orally,  or  the 
teacher  may  summon  them  silently  by  writing 
them  in  order  on  the  blackboard. 

A,  being  thus  summoned,  walks  to  the  front 
and  makes  her  announcement.  As  her  enemies 
increase  in  numbers  she  retreats  into  a  corner, 
they  following  until  the  overwhelmed  pie  is  quite 
lost  to  sight  behind  the  increasing  group. 

(A  speaks.) 

I  am  an  apple  pie.    My  name  is  A. 
I  am  B.    I  shall  bite  you. 
I  am  C.    I  shall  cut  you. 
I  am  D.     I  shall  divide  you  into 
six  pieces  for  my  family. 

112 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  Ilk 

I  am  E.    I  shall  eat  you. 
I  am  F.    I  shall  fight  for  my  share 
of  you. 
I  am  G.    I  shall  get  you. 
I  am  H.    I  shall  have  you. 
I  am  I.    I  shall  put  icing  on  you. 
I  am  J.    I  shall  jump  for  you. 
I  am  K.    I  shall  keep  you. 
I  am  L.    I  shall  love  you. 
I  am  M.    I  shall  make  a  meal  of 

you. 
I  am  N.    I  shall  nibble  your  edges 

off. 

I  am  an  ogre.  My  name  is  0.  I 
shall  offer  you  to  my  hungry  chil- 
dren. 

I  am  P.    I  shall  put  you  into  my 

mouth. 


114  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

I  am  Q.  I  shall  quarter  you  and 
eat  all  four  pieces. 

I  am  R.  I  shall  run  after 
you. 

I  am  S.  I  shall  save  you  for  my 
supper. 

I  am  T.    I  shall  take  you. 

I  am  U.  I  shall  understand  what 
to  do  with  you. 

I  am  V.  I  vow  I  shall  make  you 
vanish  down  my  throat. 

I  am  W.    I  want  you. 

I  am  an  ox.  My  name  is  X.  I 
will  excuse  you. 

(The  ox  returns  to  his  seat.) 

I  am  a  Yankee.  My  name  is  Y. 
Fll  have  you  yet,  if  I  have  to  work  a 
year  for  you. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  115 

I  am  a  Zebra.    My  name  is  Z.    Til 
never  buzz  for  you. 

(Zebra  returns  to  seat.) 

SONG  TO  CLOSE 

(Tune,  "  Shouting  the  Battle  Cry  of  Freedom." 
Letters  turn,  regroup  themselves,  facing  seats, 
and  sing :) 

Oh,  how  we  all  love  apple  pie, 

Excepting  X  and  Z ! 
Shouting  the  battle  cry  of  freedom. 
But  our  brothers  now  must  join  us 

(Beckoning  to  X  and  Z,  who  come  forward  and 
join  in  the  chorus.) 

For  we're  in  the  majority, 
Shouting  the  battle  cry  of  freedom. 
Union  forever ! 
Hurrah,  boys,  hurrah ! 


116  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

We,  as  you  see  us, 
Make  all  the  books  there  are. 
So  it's  rally  round  the  flag,  boys, 
And  live  on  apple  pie, 
Shouting  the  battle  cry  of  freedom. 

(Roll-call.  Leader  calls  off  the  letters  in  order  in 
a  sharp,  authoritative  tone,  and  each  in  turn 
answers  "  Here ! "  and  goes  to  seat.) 


THE  HOURS 

This  dialogue  may  be  merely  read,  parts 
being  assigned.  The  hours  should  stand  in  a 
line  in  front  of  the  class.  If  acted,  the  children 
may  study  their  parts  and  give  them  in  their 
own  words  unless  the  piece  is  being  prepared 
for  some  special  occasion.  The  pauses  to  sepa- 
rate the  hours  need  not  be  more  than  a  few 
seconds  each,  just  long  enough  for  the  silence  to 
be  felt.  The  "ng"  in  "ding"  should  be  prolonged 
in  a  ringing  voice  long  enough,  to  count  one. 

One  O'clock 
Ding-ng-ng ! 

Mouse 
(Stealing  out  from  seat.) 

Is  the  cat  about  ?  If  she  is,  I  hope 
that  noisy  clock  hasn't  waked  her. 

117 


118  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

It  shouldn't  strike  the  hours  when  I 
want  it  to  be  very  still,  so  that  I  may 
hear  Pussy's  soft  steps.  Oh,  there 
she  is ! 

(Another  child  comes  stealing  to  the  front. 
Mouse  runs  softly  back  to  seat.  Puss  takes 
stand  at  point  of  disappearance.    A  pause.) 

Two  O'clock 

Ding-ng,  ding-ng-ng ! 
Cat 

Where  did  that  mouse  go  ?  Fm 
sure  she  went  into  this  hole.  IVe 
been  waiting  here  an  hour  for  her. 
I  think  Til  go  back  to  my  cushion. 

(Retires.    A  pause.) 

Three  O'clock 
Ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng-ng! 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  119 

Rooster 

Cock-a-doodle-do ! 
Wake  up,  Johnrty,  do ! 
Run  and  find  your  shoe ! 
Call  your  sister  Sue ! 

(Rooster  should  crow  from  back  of  room  and 
prolong  the  oo  at  the  end  of  each  cry.  A 
pause.) 

Four  O'clock 

Ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 

ng-ng. 

Housekeeper 
(In  a  sleepy  voice,  speaking  from  her  seat.) 

Dear  me  !  I  hear  wheels.  It  must 
be  the  milkman.  How  glad  I  am  I 
don't  have  to  get  up  and  attend  to 
him. 

(A  pause.) 


120  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Five  O'clock 

Ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng-ng! 

Baker 
(Coming  out  noisily  and  making  a  speaking 
tube  of  his  hands.) 

Ba  —  a  —  ker !    Want  any  rolls  this 

morning? 

Housekeeper 
(Sleepily.) 

I  won't  answer  him.     It's  a  new 

man,  but  he  must  have  our  name  on 

his  list.    Let  him  look  at  that. 

(Baker  examines  a  slip  of  paper,  pretends  to  de- 
posit a  loaf,  and  retires.    A  pause.) 

Six  O'clock 
Ding-ng,  ding-ng,   ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng-ng ! 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  121 

Housekeeper 

Well,  I  suppose  I'll  have  to  get  up 
if  breakfast  is  to  be  ready  by  half 
past  seven.  If  that  new  baker  didn't 
leave  any  bread,  I'll  have  to  make 
biscuit. 

{Remains  in  seat.    A  pause.) 

Seven  O'clock 
Ding-ng,   ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng-ng ! 

Little  Girl 
{Sleepily,  speaking  from  seat.) 

Was  that  the  clock  striking  seven  ? 
Then  I've  got  to  get  up.  I  don't  half 
like  to,  this  cold  morning.  Zh-zh-zh ! 
{Shivering.)  But  I  must  be  in  time  for 
breakfast. 

{Remains  in  her  seat.    A  pause.) 


122  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Eight  O'clock 
Ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng-ng .  Postman 

(Whistling  through  his  fingers.) 

Let— ter! 

(Housekeeper  comes  forward,  takes  letter  silently, 
and  examines  address.  Both  retire.  A 
pause.)  mne  0,clock 

Ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng-ng! 

Class 
(Sings  opening  hymn.    A  pause.) 

Ten  O'clock 
Ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng-ng ! 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  123 

Teacher 

Let  us  have  a  few  exercises,  chil- 
dren. 

(Puts  class  through  some  short  movement  from 
the  course  in  Physical  Culture.    A  pause.) 

Eleven  O'clock 
Ding-ng,   ding-ng,  ding-ng,   ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng-ng ! 

Monitor 
(Stepping  forward.) 

Time  for  recess,    children.     Let's 
play  Peas  Porridge  Hot. 

(Class  in  couples  play  the  game.    A  pause.) 

Twelve  O'clock 

Ding-ng,   ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 
ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding-ng,  ding- 


124  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

ng,     ding-ng,      ding-ng,      ding-ng, 
ding-ng-ng ! 

Monitor 

Dinner  hour.     Put  on  your  wraps, 
children. 

(Children  make  a  feint  of  putting  on  coats,  hats, 
and  mittens  until  teacher  calls  to  order.) 


CLIZA  CURTiS 


A  CHRISTMAS  JOKE 


Mamie 
(Hastening  forward  excitedly.) 

Merry  Christmas,  Susie  !     I  was 
just  coming  over  to  your  house. 

125 


126  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Susie 
(Smiling  quietly.) 

Merry    Christmas !     And    I    was 
coming  over  to  your  house. 

Mamie 

I  wanted  to  tell  you  all  that  was 
in  my  stocking  this  morning. 

Susie 

And  I  wanted  to  ask  you  what 
you  found  in  it. 

Mamie 

And  yours,  too  ?    What  was  in  it  ? 

Susie 
All  that  I  wanted  was  there. 

Mamie 

Oh,  I  had  so  many  things. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  127 

Susie 
And  I  had  only  one  thing. 

Mamie 

Did  one  thing  fill  a  stocking  ?  It 
must  have  been  a  doll.  I  have  a 
new  doll,  too,  but  it  was  on  the 
Christmas  tree. 

Susie 

So  was  mine. 

Mamie 
Oh,  but  my  stocking  was  full  right 

to  the  top ! 

Susie 

So  was  mine. 

Mamie 

I  told  Mama  I  wished  I'd  hung 
up  both  mine.  I  believe  Santa  Claus 
would  have  filled  them  both. 


128  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Susie 

Both  mine  were  filled. 

Mamie 

And  a  Christmas  tree  too  !     My ! 

But   Santa   Claus   must  have  been 

kind  to  you. 

Susie 

But  all  he  brought  me  was  on  the 

tree. 

Mamie 

I  thought  you  said  he  filled  both 
your  stockings. 

Susie 

No  ;  I  only  said  they  were  both 

filled. 

Mamie 

To  the  top  ? 

Susie 
To  the  very  top. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  129 

Mamie 

Who  filled  them  ? 

Susie 

Somebody. 

Mamie 

Where  did  you  hang  them  ? 

Susie 

I  didn't  hang  them  anywhere. 

Mamie 
Then  how  did  you  get  them  filled  ? 

Susie 

I  put  them  on. 


THE  ECHO 

(A  DIALOGUE) 


CHARACTERS 


Robert 

William 

Echo 


I 

Robert 
(Supposed  to  be  in  the  woods.) 

Here,  Rover! 

Echo 
(Child  secreted.) 

Here,  Rover ! 

Robert 

Who's  that  ? 

Echo 

Who's  that  ? 

130 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  131 

Robert 
(Angrily.) 

Do  you  want  to  know  who  it  is  ? 

Echo 

Who  it  is? 

Robert 

Come  over  here,  and  I'll  tell  you ! 

Echo 

I'll  tell  you ! 

Robert 

Where  are  you,  any  way  ? 

Echo 

Any  way ! 

Robert 

You're  afraid  to  show  yourself ! 

Echo 

Show  yourself ! 


132  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Robert 

Look  here,  you  chump  !    Fll  have 
you  arrested. 

Echo 

Have  you  arrested. 

Robert 

Me  arrested !     Why,   this   is^  my 
father's  place. 

Echo 

My  father's  place. 
II 

William 

What's  the  matter,  Robert  ?    Hav- 
ing a  quarrel  with  your  echo  ? 

Echo 

Your  echo  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  133 

Robert 

See  there  !  He  says  it's  your  echo. 
There's  a  bad  boy  over  there ! 

Echo 

Over  there ! 

Robert 

He  said  he'd  have  me  arrested. 

Echo 
Arrested  ! 

Robert 

Hear  that!  He  repeats  every- 
thing I  say. 

Echo 

I  say. 

William 

Ha-ha  !  Here's  a  boy  that  doesn't 
know  any  better  than  to  call  him- 
self names. 


134  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Echo 

Self  names ! 

Robert 

I  never  did  such  a  thing  in  my  life. 

Echo 

In  my  life. 

William 

See  there  !     Echo  says  he  didn't 
either.-  Echo 

Didn't  either. 

Robert 

I  don't  see  why  you  don't  get  angry 

with  him. 

Echo 

With  him ! 

Ill 

William 

Do  you  know  what  I'd  look  like  if 
I  did? 


If  I  did  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  135 

Echo 

Robert 


Echo 


(Wonderingly.) 

No. 
No. 

William 
I'll  show  you.      (Takes  out  a  pocket  mir- 
ror and  holds  it  before  Robert.)     Do  you  See 

that  boy  in  there  ? 

Echo 
In  there  ? 

Robert 

Yes.    What  of  it  ? 

Echo 

What  of  it  ? 

William 

Shake  your  fist  at  him. 


136  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Echo 

At  him  ! 

Robert 

I  won't  do  such  a  silly  thing. 

Echo 

Silly  thing. 

William 

Tell  him  he's  a  bad  boy. 
Echo 

Bad  boy. 

Robert 

I  won't. 

Echo 

I  won't. 

William 

Tell  him  you'll  have  him  arrested. 

Echo 

Arrested. 

Robert 
(Laughing.) 

Do  you  think  I'm  going  to  talk  to 
myself  that  way  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  137 

Echo 

That  way  ? 

William 

But  that's  just  what  youVe  been 
doing. 

Echo 

Been  doing ! 

Robert 

How  so  ? 

Echo 

How  so  ? 

William 

When  you  look  in  the  glass,  you 
see  yourself.  When  echo  answers, 
you  hear  yourself. 

Echo 
Hear  yourself. 

Robert 

Is  that  all  ? 

Echo 

That  all  ? 


138  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

William 

Yes,  that's  all.    Good-by  ! 

(Passes  on  and  disappears.) 
Echo 

Good-by ! 

IV 

Robert 
(After  a  moment's  deep  thought.) 

Echo,  is  that  true  ? 

Echo 

That  true  ? 

Robert 

Are  you  only  my  voice  come  back 
to  me  ? 

Echo 

Back  to  me? 

Robert 

Shall  we  be  friends  ? 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  139 

Echo 

Be  friends? 

Robert 

How  do  you  do,  Echo? 

Echo 

Do,  Echo? 

Robert 

How  are  you  to-day  ? 

Echo 

You  to-day  ? 

Robert 

Are  you  very  well  ? 

Echo 
Very  well  ? 

Robert 

Hurrah  ! 

Echo 
Hurrah. 

Robert 

What's    the    matter   with    Echo  ? 
He's  all  right ! 


140  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Echo 

He's  all  right ! 

Robert 

I  see  how  it  is. 

Echo 

How  it  is. 

Robert 

The  trees  are  a  kind  of  looking 

£laSS-  Echo 

Looking  glass. 

Robert 

The  looking  glass  hangs  on   the 
wall.  „ , 

Echo 

On  the  wall. 

Robert 

When  I  go  to  it,  I  see  my  face. 

Echo 
See  my  face. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  141 

Robert 

The  trees  stay  right  here. 

Echo 
Right  here. 

Robert 

When  I  come  to  them,  I  hear  my 

voice. 

Echo 

Hear  my  voice. 

Robert 

Echo,  you're  a  nice  fellow ! 

Echo 

Nice  fellow ! 

Robert 

I'll  come  and  play  writh  you  again 
some  day0    Good-by ! 

Echo 

Good-by ! 


PAYING  TOLL 

Tommy 

You  can't  come  here.    This  is  my 
pump.  Molly 

It's  your  father's  pump. 

Tommy 

That's   the    same   as   if  it   were 

mine-  Molly 

But  your  father   always  lets  me 
get  water  here. 

Tommy 
Well,  I'm  not  going  to  unless  you 
pay  toll. 

Molly 

What's  toll? 

142 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  143 

Tommy 
Toll  is  what  you  pay  when   you 
cross  the  bridge. 

Molly 

But  I  crossed  the  bridge  without 
paying  toll. 

Tommy 

That's  because  I  wasn't  there. 

Molly 

You're  not  in  earnest. 

Tommy 
Why  don't  you  get  your  water  if 
I'm  not? 

Molly 

You  wouldn't  be  such  a  mean  boy 
as  that. 

Tommy 

I'm  not  a  boy.     I'm  the  toll-man. 


144  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Molly 

Oh,  I  see!    You're  playing. 

Tommy 

Pay  your  toll  and  you  can  have 
the  water. 

Molly 

What   do   you  want   me  to    pay 


you? 

Tommy 

One  pin. 

Molly 

But  I  haven't  a  pin 

Tommy 

Then  you  can't  have  any  water. 

Molly 

But  Aunt  Mary's  come,  and  it's 
a  hot  day,  and  Mama  wants  to  give 
her  a  cooling  drink. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  145 

Tommy 

Then    get    the    toll    from    your 

mother. 

Molly 

But  I  don't  want  to  go  all  the 
way  back  for  it.  Will  you  lend  me 
a  pin? 

Tommy 

I  haven't  one  to  lend  you.  Boys 
don't  keep  pins  about  them. 

Molly 

I  see  one  in  your  trousers  band. 
You  must  have  put  it  there  when 
you  were  not  thinking. 

Tommy 

Oh  yes !  I  forgot  I  had  that  one. 
But  I  won't  lend  it  to  you. 


146  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Molly 

Why  not  ? 

Tommy 

Because  people  never  pay  back 
pins.  They  say  ■ '  Lend  me  a  pin, " 
but  they  mean  "  Give  me  one." 

Molly 

I  don't.    I'll  pay  it  back,  truly. 

Tommy 

When  ?    To-morrow  ? 

Molly 

To-day.  Ill  come  right  back  with 
it. 

Tommy 

Honest  Injun  ? 

Molly 
Honest  Injun  ! 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  147 

Tommy 

Cross  your  heart? 

Molly 
Cross  my  heart ! 

Tommy 

All  right !  HI  lend  it  to  you  and 
you  can  pay  toll  with  it.    Here  it  is. 

Molly 
Thank  you !    Here's  the  toll,   Mr. 
Toll-man. 

Tommy 

Now  you  can  take  a  pitcher  of 
water.  But  don't  forget  your 
promise. 


SAVING  DOLLY'S  LIFE 

Doctor 
{Sitting  down,  laying  hat  and  cane  beside  him  on 
the  floor,  and  putting  on  spectacles.) 

Good  morning,  madam  !  Did  you 
telephone  for  me? 

Mother 
{Holding  doll  on  lap.) 

Yes,  indeed,  I  did,  doctor !  Baby 
has  been  sick  all  night.  I  think  it 
must  be  measles. 

Doctor 

Hm  !  Ha  !  Yes,  I  see.  She  seems 
to  have  a  great  deal  of  fever.  Let 
me  see  her  tongue. 

148 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  149 

Mother 

But,  Doctor,  she  can't  put  her 
tongue  out.     She's  too  far  gone. 

Doctor 

As  bad  as  that  ?  My  dear  lady,  I 
don't  want,  to  frighten  you,  but  your 
child  has  lockjaw.  She  may  not  live 
more  than  half  an  hour. 

Mother 

Oh,  dear  me !  Then  what  shall  I 
do  for  a  baby?  Tabby  won't  do. 
Jip  won't  do.  Wouldn't  it  save  her 
life,  Doctor,  to  give  her  a  ride  in 
your  express  cart  ? 

Doctor 

My  express  cart,  Madam  ? 


150  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Mother 

Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon !  I  mean 
your  carriage.  I  forgot  you  were 
the  doctor.  There,  there,  baby ! 
Don't  cry ! 

Doctor 

I  think  ril  leave  you  now. 

Mother 

But,  Doctor  !  I  think  I  see  her 
smile.     She  may  get  well  after  all. 

Doctor 

Let  me  feel  her  pulse.  (Takes  dolly's 
hand.)  Yes,  she  is  growing  stronger. 
She  must  have  something  to  eat. 
What  is  this  you  have  here  ? 

Mother 

A  piece  of  plum  cake,  Doctor.  I 
fear  that  is  too  rich  for  the  baby. 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  151 

Doctor 

Let  me  see  if  it  is.     (Tries  it.) 

Mother 

Oh,  Doctor  !    What  a  big  bite  ! 

Doctor 

Yes,  but  I  shall  have  to  taste  it 
again  to  make  quite  sure.  It 
wouldn't  do  to  give  a  sick  baby  the 
wrong  kind  of  food. 

Mother 

But,  Doctor,  you  have  eaten  all 
my  plum  cake  !  Now  I  have  noth- 
ing to  give  the  baby. 

Doctor 

Give  her  a  cracker.  That  will  do 
her  more  good.     I  had  to  eat  the 


152  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

cake.    It  was  the  only  way  to  save 
her  life. 

Mother 

I  hope  you  won't  charge  very  much 
for  eating  it,  Doctor ! 

Doctor 

Oh,  no  ;  I  won't  send  you  a  bill  till 
my  next  visit.     Good  day,  Madam ! 

Mother 

Good-by,  Doctor. 

(Sees  him  to  the  door.) 
—  From  the  Culture  Readers,  by  permission  of 
Charles  E.  Merrill  Company. 


SPELLING  CONSTANTINOPLE 

Teacher 

Let's  play  school.  Who  can  spell 
Constantinople  ? 

*Five  Pupils 
(All  raising  hands.) 

I  can,  Miss  Books !  I  can,  Miss 
Books ! 

Teacher 

Very  well.  Let  me  hear  you.  All 
stand  in  line.  (Arranges  them.)  Num- 
ber One,  you  begin  it. 

First  Pupil 

C-o-n,  Con,  with  a  Con. 

153 


154  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Teacher 

Very  good.     Next ! 

Second  Pupil 

S-t-a-n,  stan,  with  a  stan,  with  a 
Constan. 

Teacher 

That's  right.    Next ! 

Third  Pupil 

T-i,  ti,  with  a  ti,  with  a  Constanti. 

Teacher 

Better  still.    Next ! 

Fourth  Pupil 

N-o,  no,  with  a  no,  with  a  Con- 
stantino. 

Teacher 

You  have  learned  your  lesson  well. 

Next! 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  155 

Fifth  Pupil 

P-l-e,  pie,  with  a  pie,  with  a  Con- 
stantinople. 

Teacher 

There !  I  always  said  I  had  the 
best  class  in  the  school.  You  may 
take  recess. 

(Pupils  march  to  seats  singing,  "We  now  can 
spell  Constantinople.'7) 


156 


THE  NEW  MAN 

Teddie 

There's  a  new  man  come  to  stay 
with  us. 

Dora 

What  relation  is  he  to  you  ? 

Teddie 

No  relation. 

Dora 

Then  he  must  be  an  old  friend. 

Teddie 

We  never  saw  him  till  yesterday. 

Dora 

Has  he  come  to  work  for  you  ? 

157 


158  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Teddie 

Not  a  stroke. 

Dora 

Does  he  pay  board  ? 

Teddie 

Not  a  dollar. 

Dora 

Where  does  he  sit  at  table  ? 

Teddie 

He  doesn't  sit  at  table. 

Dora 

What  does  he  like  to  eat  ? 

Teddie 

He  takes  anything  we  choose  to 
give  him. 

Dora 

How  does  he  take  his  food  ? 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  159 

Teddie 

I  put  it  into  his  mouth. 

Dora 

Is  he  sick  ? 

Teddie 

Not  at  all. 

Dora 

Has  he  no  hands  ? 

Teddie 

He  has  two.     I  ma  — 

(Claps  hand  over  mouth.) 
Dora 

What  room  does  he  have  ? 

Teddie 

No  room  at  all. 

Dora 

I  thought  you  said  he  had  come 
to  stay  with  you. 


160  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Teddie 

So  I  did. 

Dora 

How  long  will  he  stay  with  you  ? 

Teddie 

All  his  life. 

Dora 

Is  he  very  old  ? 

Teddie 

No.     He's  quite  young.     He-he  ! 

(Puts  hand  to  mouth  and  titters.) 
Dora 

Where  does  he  sleep  ? 

Teddie 

On  the  lawn. 

Dora 

You  don't  mean  to   say  you  let 
him  stay  out  of  doors  all  night. 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  161 

Teddie 

It  wouldn't  be  good  for  him   to 
come  into  the  house. 

Dora 

Why? 

Teddie 

He  wouldn't  live  so  long. 

Dora 

What  does  he  do  for  a  living  ? 

Teddie 

Watches  the  front  door. 

Dora 

Oh  !    He's  a  watchman.    Does  he 
wear  a  uniform  ? 

Teddie 

Yes. 


162  NONSENSE   DIALOGUES 

Dora 
^yVhat  color  ? 

Teddie 

All  white. 

Dora 

That's  very  foolish.     What  color 
is  his  hair  ? 

Teddie 

He's  quite  bald. 

Dora 

Poor  man  !    In  this  cold  weather, 
too  !    What  color  are  his  eyes  ? 

Teddie 

Black.    I  used  pieces  of  co— 

1   (Claps  hand  to  mouth.) 

Dora 
Oh,  I  know !    It's  a  snow  man. 


WHEN  THE  TOYS  CAME  ALIVE 

.    Ned 
{Standing  alone  in  front  of  the  class.) 

Now  I'm  ready  to  answer  any  ques- 
tions you  people  may  want  to  ask  me. 

Whipping  Top 
(Comes  forward  and  faces  him.) 

You  may  whip  me  all  you  like. 
What  am  I  ?       m 

My  Whipping  Top.     Next ! 

(Whipping  Top  retires.    Drum  comes  forward.) 

Drum 

You  may  beat  me,  too.  But  I  shall 
make  a  big  noise  if  you  do.  What 
am  I? 

163 


164  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Ned 

My  Drum.    Next 

{Each  questioner  in  turn  retires  on  being  an- 
swered, and  the  next  steps  forward.) 

Boat 

The  pond  was  made  for  you  and 
me  and  the  ducks.    What  am  I ! 

Ned 

My  Boat.    Next      . 

Kite 

I    can    climb   without    a   ladder. 

What  ami? 

Ned 

My  Kite.    Next! 

Spade 

You  push  me  under,  but  hold  me 
from  falling.    What  am  I  ? 


NONSENSE  DIALOGUES  165 

Ned 

My  Spade.    Next! 

Knife 

I  hurt  you  once,  and  you  cried. 
You  have  taken  better  care  of  me 
ever  since.     What  am  I  ? 

Ned 
I  didn't  cry  much,  Jackknif  e  !    Do 
you  want  me  to  shut  you  up  and  put 
you  in  my  pocket  ? 

(Jackknif e  runs  to  seat.) 

Dinner  Plate 

You  love  me  dearly.  Yet  every 
day  you  take  all  I  have  away  from 
me.    What  am  I  ? 

Ned 

Never  mind  if  you  are  full  again 
next  time,  Dinner  Plate  ! 


166  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Work 

You  don't  love  me  as  well  as  you 
ought  to.  Yet  I  am  making  a  man 
of  you.    What  am  I? 

Ned 
(Shaking  hand  of  Work.) 

I  know,  and  I  thank  you,  Work ! 
But  excuse  me  now.     It's  play  time. 

Back  of  Neck 

I  have  belonged  to  you  all  your 
life ;  yet  other  people  can  see  me  and 
you  cannot.    What  am  I  ? 

Ned 
My  heart  ? 

Back  of  Neck 

No.  Can  other  people  see  your 
heart? 


NONSENSE   DIALOGUES  167 

Ned 

Then  I  can't  guess  you. 

Back  of  Neck 

I  am  the  Back  of  your  Neck. 
Ned 
(Twisting  about,  trying  to  see  the  back  of  his 
neck.) 

Who  says  I  can't  see  the  Back  of 

myNeCk?      Back  of  Neck 
Can  y°U  ?  Ned 

You're    right    about    it.    Is    the 

2ameU*>?       Back  of  Neck 
Here  comes  one  more. 

•Mother 

I  am  your  dear  aunt's  only  sister, 
and  I've  come  to  tell  you  playtime  is 
over,  and  to  put  you  to  bed. 


168  NONSENSE  DIALOGUES 

Ned 

Oh,  I  suppose  you're  my  Mother. 
Well,  IVe  had  fun  enough  for  one 
day,  anyway. 

{Throws  arm  around  mother's  neck  and  kisses 

her.) 

—  The  Primary  School. 


HPHE    following    pages    contain    advertisements    of 
books  by  the  same  author  or  on  kindred  subjects. 


The  Everychild's  Series 

A  new  and  unique  series  of  supplementary  readers  for  all  school  grades.  The 
books  will  cover  as  nearly  as  may  be  the  entire  field  of  suitable  literature,  classi- 
fied somewhat  as  follows: 

FOLKLORE  AND  FAIRY  STORIES 

STORIES  OF  THE  INDUSTRIES 

GEOGRAPHIC  STORIES 

ORIGINAL   STORIES   RELATING  TO  CHILD   LIFE 

STANDARD  AND  CLASSICAL  LITERATURE 

The  page  is  small,  3!  inches  by  5^  inches,  the  type  large  and  clear,  making  the 
books  easy  to  read,  thus  meeting  the  demands  of  specialists  in  child's  hygiene. 
The  books  will  be  handsomely  illustrated,  some  in  color. 

To  be  published  the  coming  spring: 

Old  Time  Tales 

Folklore  stories  for  third  or  fourth  grade,  by  Kate  F.  Oswell,  author  of  the 
American  School  Readers. 

Nature  Stories  for  First  or  Second  Grades 
By  Mary  Gardner. 

In  Those  Days 

A  true  story  of  child  life  a  hundred  years  ago,  for  fifth  or  sixth  grade,  by 
Mrs.  E.  B.  Hallock,  beautifully  illustrated  in  color. 

Stories  of  Great  Operas 

By  Millicent  S.  Bender;  the  stories  of  six  great  German  operas,  taken  from 
original  sources  in  old  German. 

Nonsense  Dialogues 

Popular  folklore  in  dialogue,  for  first  grade,  by  Mrs.  E.  E.  K.  Warner,  author 
of  Culture  Readers,  and  other  books. 

A  Fairy  Book  for  Second  or  Third  Grade 
By  Kate  F.  Oswell. 

Stories  Grandmother  Told 

Fairy  and  folklore  stories  for  second  or  third  grade,  by  Kate  F.  Oswell. 

Boy  and  Girl  Heroes 

Stories  of  child  life  of  famous  characters,  by  Florence  V.  Farmer,  author  of 
"  Nature  Myths  in  Many  Lands." 

Historical  Plays 

Famous  history  stories  put  in  dramatic  form  for  reading,  and  also  for  acting  by 
children  of  the  higher,  intermediate,  or  the  grammar  grades,  by  Grace  E.  Bird 
and  Maud  Starling. 

Other  books  are  in  preparation. 


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EVERYDAY    ENGLISH 

BOOK    ONE 

By 

FRANKLIN   T.    BAKER 

Professor  of  English  in  Teachers  College  and  Supervisor  of  English 
in  the  Horace  Mann  School 

AND 

ASHLEY   H.   THORNDIKE 

Professor  of  English  in  Columbia  University 


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Publishers  64-66  Fifth  Avenue  New  York 


YB  36899 


M69854?rrT 


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